I miss blogging

I miss blogging with the crew. Another blogventure is deperately blogcessary.

feces on library doors

nutella, cricket, and twitchy are broadcasting live from the study room/cocktail lounge in uris library. yes, we DO go to the library thank ya very much.

cricket and twitchy are discussing where the dirty black shit in the drain comes from in their shower. (nutella surmises it's liger and gills' dirty sex juices from their dirty sexcapades in grandma's shower).

we've determined that:

twitchy would be paid $200 to smear feces on the glass panel of the study room door (cricket is $250 and nutella would do it just for fun)
this is different from shitting on a glass table cause only 2 other people would be watching (in our current case) and the shitting on the glass table would occur in front a multitude of persons.

twitchy asks "do we get gloves? can we have some latex gloves?"
cricket says "will the price of that be deducted?"
nutella says "no gloves!"

cricket wonders how long the alarm she set off earlier lasted, since she and twitchy fled the scene of the crime. "it just said emergency exit in BIG RED huge letters," said twitchy. "omg," says cricket, "i didn't notice!!"
twitchy says, "i thought you knew where you were going. i was wondering why the stacks would say that."
cricket says, "you NEED to stop me."
twitchy says, "and i only had one contact in!"

alas, nutella has to take a quick pee break so this post is done for now

i'll end this post with a funny picture relating to poop

i received crack cocaine today

today was an eventful day for me. for starters, i slept in nicole's bed last night. we had a slumber party :D. although we were supposed to spoon, both of us were too shy to initiate the spoonage so no spooning occurred. this was a bit disappointing, but she sent me crack today so i am all better. i just love crack.

"Dear evan ,nikki sixx has reserved some virtual crack rock for you!To pick it up, all you need to do is point your web browser at:http://www.virtualcrack.com/Your dealer's pager number is: 627-8114Your dealer will hold on to this crack for 30 days from the dateof this notification. Your crack will be re-sold or smokedafter that date."

CNN: Crazy News Network

Cnn.com was pretty ridiculous today. I think they accidentally hired Michael Jackson to choose the headlines, because they were absolutely batshit crazy. Or maybe the world has just gone absolutely batshit crazy.

1) Honey, I Microwaved the Kid

So apparently this black lady named China *snicker* (when I was a kid, I thought vaginas were called chinas) allegedly MICROWAVED HER BABY. And then if you read to the very bottom, there was another lady who MICROWAVED HER BABY. In 2002, Elizabeth Renne Otte (not named after a vagina), according to The Straight Dope, "suffered a seizure that morning, became confused and placed the baby in the microwave thinking she was heating the infant's milk bottle." Oopsie doodles!

2) Honey, I Sold the Kid on Craigslist (I dunno if this link will work 'cause it's a video... if not go to cnn.com and look for "dad sells child" or something)

We've heard about the guy who sold his forehead on eBay as advertising space, but your kid? Come on... Just microwave the kid instead.

3) Match Made In Heaven: Paris Hilton and Britney Spears

Finally, Paris and Britney have found true love: one another. I'm worried though, because when you put two pieces of trash together like that, you never know what could happen. Hopefully their tryst will end before they create another New Jersey. And I love the headline: "Britney flashes flesh with new party pal Paris." Sweet alliteration!